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I Grew Up Here

by fawns

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1.
We were just a couple of kids who partied with the boys With a bottle of tequila we could really make some noise We had it all, yeah I really loved the way you used to walk And I well I really loved the way you used to talk Now you're just a pain in my ass with a drink in you hand and your bright red lipstick You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face and a stream of excuses You're just a pain in my ass with a drink in your hand and your bright red lipstick You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face I always woke up early and you loved to stay up late And you always crashed at my place and I thought that was okay I miss those days, yeah I really loved the way you used to taste Oh because you were so much sweeter in those days Now you're just a pain in my ass with a drink in you hand and your bright red lipstick You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face and a stream of excuses You're just a pain in my ass with a drink in your hand and your bright red lipstick You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face We used to head downtown and check it all till three You'd grab my hand, we'd dance all night then smoke a joint and leave We had it all, yeah I really loved the way you used to roll Oh and I, I really, really liked it when we.... Now you're just a pain in my ass with a drink in you hand and your bright red lipstick You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face and a stream of excuses You're just a pain in my ass with a drink in your hand and your bright red lipstick You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face We used to head downtown and check it all till three You'd grab my hand, we'd dance all night then smoke a joint and leave We had it all, yeah I really loved the way you used to roll Oh and I, I really, really liked it when we.... Now you're just a pain in my ass with a drink in you hand and your bright red lipstick You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face and a stream of excuses You're just a pain in my ass with a drink in your hand and your bright red lipstick You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face
2.
Can you feel it? There's something in the air tonight Can you see it? There's neon flashes everywhere you turn On this la, la, la electric night. Can you see us? We're dancing in the streets tonight Can you hear us? We're laughing at the stars up in the sky On this la, la, la electric night. Come with me, oh come with me Come with me and dance Laugh with me and sing with me in our electric romance On this la, la, la electric night.
3.
I can taste your lips on mine Morning rain and broken static sunshine Meet your eyes and I desire Distant memories sleep next to me These ghostly shadows of you make a mark and set my soul on fire I'm burning without you I can feel the absence of myself inside an empty room Grasping for the edges for something small to hold on too I'd make myself a shadow if it means you're still around And then some how I still think the the light always let me down Always let me down. I can feel your breath on me In the night awake to an electric nightmare That's made of my design And everything that seemed so close to me now Sleeps so far away and haunts me with the passing of the night I'm burning without you I can feel the absence of myself inside an empty room Grasping for the edges for something small to hold on too I'd make myself a shadow if it means you're still around And then some how I still think the the light always let me down Always let me down. I can feel the absence of myself inside an empty room Grasping for the edges for something small to hold on too I'd make myself a shadow if it means you're still around And then some how I still think the the light always let me down You always let me down. I can taste your lips on mine, I can feel your breath on me And then lie away awake into an electric nightmare That's made of my design Well you always let me down.
4.
I had a terrible vision I've got the feeling I might not be real I dreamt I awoke in the morning Only to find I had nothing left to feel Now I'm afaid of the ending The push and the pull of ready or not I still believe in forgetting I'm just not prepared to shoulder the cost Do you see the house across the street? We used to live there. Now my soul it sleeps so far away so you can't find it I remember everything and still I cannot write it Because I just can't recall if things are real And so I find a way to survive Now I am dreaming of portraits. And I have a feeling just might be real Terrible visions of faces Staring in ways that bring back all of my fears Do you remember when we were young? Do you see the house across the street? We used to live there. Now my soul it sleeps so far away so you can't find it I remember everything and still I cannot write it Because I just can't recall if things are real And so I find a way to survive Do you remember when we were young?
5.
Backseat 04:18
Ooh I need some air tonight Won't you crack the window Radio plays through the night And I can feel the wind roll like old tires an a worn out road And I don't care how we go But you can ride shotgun as we sail the streets Just do me one favour, leave your heart in the backseat I don't love I just need a stop sign, friend So do me a favour and light me a cigarette And blow the smoke into the air where the sunset meets it's end And ride with me faster than time as I try to forget What it means to put your life in boxes on the street And sell your soul for popcorn and a cold kiss on the cheek I will run away with if you promise not to speak Of tragedies of postcards of love Just leave your heart in the backseat Ooh I need a fix tonight Won't you crack the bottle off I can ride shotgun you can take the wheel I don't care how I feel But I need silence like I need this drink and Outside the moon he winks He knows the outcome is waisted on but I'll tell you one thing, I don't love I just need a stop sign, friend So do me a favour and light me a cigarette And blow the smoke into the air where the sunset meets it's end And ride with me faster than time as I try to forget What it means to put your life in boxes on the street And sell your soul for popcorn and a cold kiss on the cheek I will run away with if you promise not to speak Of tragedies of postcards of love Just leave your heart in the backseat I don't want love I just need a stop sign, friend So do me a favour and light me a cigarette
6.
In the Jar 04:58
There's a harsh wind blowing the tears across the streets And the gutters are clean for tonight There's a salty whisper from the city to her lover Please just let me be While the engines just keep working to drown out the sound Of the lonely hearts that beat until they burn There are souls that linger from deep within the mound Trembling like leaves upon the ground Still the tock is ticking leaving nothing behind But the shadows of the things we long to keep alive And all of us are waiting with yearning for that sign That tells us we can hang our coats to dry Leave a penny in the jar, he said And I think I'll take mine There's a fire that eats the sinners and the saints Screaming all the while that these things are the same Well everybody's rushing to the other side I've not yet seen the other lights So the books lie cold and restless as the words'll disappear And the pages lie like ashes in the earn And the barren trees like soldiers who hold all of our secrets While laziness just spits upon their face Still the tock is ticking leaving nothing behind But the shadows of the things we long to keep alive And all of us are waiting with yearning for that sign That tells us we can hang our coats to dry Leave a penny in the jar, he said And I think I'll take mine
7.
It's not supposed to be this cold in April But I have a feeling the snow's gonna stick to the Cherry blossoms and window sills And I have a feeling it's so much more than this life How about that moment of goodbye in the cold? I'll see you next fall if summer happens at all It's not supposed to be this cold in April And everything's so hard to control And none of this makes sense I've tried a thousand ways to put this together But all I get is what-ifs and regrets And wishful thinking, it'll be gone come summer I can't say goodbye if it's always outside And every time I open the blinds it gets harder and harder to face It's not supposed be this white in April And I've forgotten the image of chalk on cement And it looks like the sky has forgotten it's name I'm not looking for a miracle I just want some change like How about that moment with the sun in your eyes? And a place, and smell, even feeling oh no It's supposed to be this bland in April But there's nowhere else for me to go And none of this makes sense I've tried a thousand ways to put this together But all I get is what-ifs and regrets And wishful thinking, it'll be gone come summer I can't say goodbye if it's always outside And every time I open the blinds it gets harder and harder to face It's not supposed to be this bland in April But there's nowhere else for me to go I can't say goodbye if it's always outside And every time I open the blinds it gets harder and harder to face It's not supposed to be this bland in April But there's nowhere else for me to go now
8.
Wasted Heart 03:52
Well it's raining in the city and the ashing makes you feel it But we light our cigarettes And everything is heavy and I know you barely know me But I think you get the gist And everybody's buzzing about something in the dark tonight and you keep going on And every time you smile I see the spark of something else And it chills me to the bone Don't waste your heart on me I know the devil's in garden and he's got himself a bargain And you can't the blame tonight So don't waste your heart on me So you're really fucking lonely and you know I know what that means as the bottles hit the floor And all the things you hide from me become the things that I perceive things I should have felt were pure Like the eyes that dream from windows day to day Or how it feels to be the only one who prays anymore Well I can never say for sure Don't waste your heart on me I know the devil's in the garden and he's got himself a bargain and you can't take the blame So don't waste your heart on me Well I've seen dark, I've seen the light Reds and golds and souls of white And I can't guarantee that I'll always be here Well I've felt hate and I've known God And I've seen nothing and burning love And I can't guarantee that I will always be here Well I've known you and I've known loss And I believe in less than us And I can't guarantee i will always be here
9.
You say "I think you drink too much because you haven't seen me smile in years." And you're right but I'm thinking you hide too much From the shadows that prey upon your fears And it's cold, yeah it's cold until the fire glows That's why I light my candles with matches so I can fill up all these holes I say "I don't think you eat enough With skin stretched upon the bone, you're about to fade away." What's that? You think I say too much Well that just might be true, but I've been saying it all for you And it's warm, yeah it's warm until the fire dies That's why I light my candles with matches so i can ward off all these lies I know it hurts when you're sitting in the dirt But please get off your knees and keep searching for that sign And I know I've been wrong and your heart has died a thousand times That's why I light my candles with matches so that I can be the light That saves you

about

I Grew Up Here celebrates the experiences of growing up in southern Alberta, both through the highs and the lows.

10% of all album sales will be donated to the Canadian Mental Health Association.

credits

released January 11, 2019

fawns is:

Mercedes Fawns - vocals and acoustic guitar
Richard Charlton - electric guitars, lapsteel, bass guitar, keys and synths
Chris Morden - drums
Gabi de Luna - bass guitar (track 3)
Sydney Favero - upright bass (tracks 4, 7, 8 and 9)
Matthew Wiebe - piano (track 7)

All music and lyrics by Mercedes Fawns
Produced and engineered by Richard Charlton and Sianne Petrisor
Mixed by Richard Charlton
Additional engineering by Joel Gray and Aaron Richardson
Recorded and mixed at the University of Lethbridge's Studio 1
Mastered by Jon Martin at Green Recording Studio
Photography and artwork layout by Taleal Janae

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fawns Lethbridge, Alberta

Mercedes Fawns and Richard Charlton started fawns in 2016. The five-piece band invokes deep and layered alt rock songwriting, inspired by the ebbs and flows of mental health, complicated relationships, and nostalgic memories of Western Canada.

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