I Grew Up Here

by fawns

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about

I Grew Up Here celebrates the experiences of growing up in southern Alberta, both through the highs and the lows.

10% of all album sales will be donated to the Canadian Mental Health Association.

credits

released January 11, 2019

All music and lyrics by Mercedes Fawns
Produced and engineered by Richard Charlton and Sianne Petrisor
Mixed by Richard Charlton
Additional engineering by Joel Gray and Aaron Richardson
Recorded and mixed at the University of Lethbridge's Studio 1
Mastered by Jon Martin at Green Recording Studio
Photography and artwork layout by Taleal Janae

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all rights reserved

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fawns Lethbridge, Alberta

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Track Name: Bright Red Lipstick
We were just a couple of kids who partied with the boys
With a bottle of tequila we could really make some noise
We had it all, yeah I really loved the way you used to walk
And I well I really loved the way you used to talk

Now you're just a pain in my ass with a drink in you hand and your bright red lipstick
You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face and a stream of excuses
You're just a pain in my ass with a drink in your hand and your bright red lipstick
You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face

I always woke up early and you loved to stay up late
And you always crashed at my place and I thought that was okay
I miss those days, yeah I really loved the way you used to taste
Oh because you were so much sweeter in those days

Now you're just a pain in my ass with a drink in you hand and your bright red lipstick
You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face and a stream of excuses
You're just a pain in my ass with a drink in your hand and your bright red lipstick
You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face

We used to head downtown and check it all till three
You'd grab my hand, we'd dance all night then smoke a joint and leave
We had it all, yeah I really loved the way you used to roll
Oh and I, I really, really liked it when we....

Now you're just a pain in my ass with a drink in you hand and your bright red lipstick
You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face and a stream of excuses
You're just a pain in my ass with a drink in your hand and your bright red lipstick
You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face

We used to head downtown and check it all till three
You'd grab my hand, we'd dance all night then smoke a joint and leave
We had it all, yeah I really loved the way you used to roll
Oh and I, I really, really liked it when we....

Now you're just a pain in my ass with a drink in you hand and your bright red lipstick
You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face and a stream of excuses
You're just a pain in my ass with a drink in your hand and your bright red lipstick
You've always got something to say blowing smoke in my face
Track Name: Electric Night
Can you feel it?
There's something in the air tonight
Can you see it?
There's neon flashes everywhere you turn

On this la, la, la electric night.

Can you see us?
We're dancing in the streets tonight
Can you hear us?
We're laughing at the stars up in the sky

On this la, la, la electric night.

Come with me, oh come with me
Come with me and dance
Laugh with me and sing with me in our electric romance

On this la, la, la electric night.
Track Name: The Light Lets Me Down
I can taste your lips on mine
Morning rain and broken static sunshine
Meet your eyes and I desire
Distant memories sleep next to me
These ghostly shadows of you make a mark and set my soul on fire

I'm burning without you

I can feel the absence of myself inside an empty room
Grasping for the edges for something small to hold on too
I'd make myself a shadow if it means you're still around
And then some how I still think the the light always let me down
Always let me down.

I can feel your breath on me
In the night awake to an electric nightmare
That's made of my design
And everything that seemed so close to me now
Sleeps so far away and haunts me with the passing of the night

I'm burning without you

I can feel the absence of myself inside an empty room
Grasping for the edges for something small to hold on too
I'd make myself a shadow if it means you're still around
And then some how I still think the the light always let me down
Always let me down.

I can feel the absence of myself inside an empty room
Grasping for the edges for something small to hold on too
I'd make myself a shadow if it means you're still around
And then some how I still think the the light always let me down

You always let me down.

I can taste your lips on mine, I can feel your breath on me
And then lie away awake into an electric nightmare
That's made of my design

Well you always let me down.
Track Name: My Sister's Name is Blue
I had a terrible vision
I've got the feeling I might not be real
I dreamt I awoke in the morning
Only to find I had nothing left to feel

Now I'm afaid of the ending
The push and the pull of ready or not
I still believe in forgetting
I'm just not prepared to shoulder the cost

Do you see the house across the street?
We used to live there.
Now my soul it sleeps so far away so you can't find it
I remember everything and still I cannot write it
Because I just can't recall if things are real
And so I find a way to survive

Now I am dreaming of portraits.
And I have a feeling just might be real
Terrible visions of faces
Staring in ways that bring back all of my fears

Do you remember when we were young?

Do you see the house across the street?
We used to live there.
Now my soul it sleeps so far away so you can't find it
I remember everything and still I cannot write it
Because I just can't recall if things are real
And so I find a way to survive

Do you remember when we were young?
Track Name: Backseat
Ooh I need some air tonight
Won't you crack the window
Radio plays through the night
And I can feel the wind roll like old tires an a worn out road
And I don't care how we go
But you can ride shotgun as we sail the streets
Just do me one favour, leave your heart in the backseat

I don't love I just need a stop sign, friend
So do me a favour and light me a cigarette
And blow the smoke into the air where the sunset meets it's end
And ride with me faster than time as I try to forget
What it means to put your life in boxes on the street
And sell your soul for popcorn and a cold kiss on the cheek
I will run away with if you promise not to speak
Of tragedies of postcards of love
Just leave your heart in the backseat

Ooh I need a fix tonight
Won't you crack the bottle off
I can ride shotgun you can take the wheel
I don't care how I feel
But I need silence like I need this drink and
Outside the moon he winks
He knows the outcome is waisted on but I'll tell you one thing,

I don't love I just need a stop sign, friend
So do me a favour and light me a cigarette
And blow the smoke into the air where the sunset meets it's end
And ride with me faster than time as I try to forget
What it means to put your life in boxes on the street
And sell your soul for popcorn and a cold kiss on the cheek
I will run away with if you promise not to speak
Of tragedies of postcards of love
Just leave your heart in the backseat

I don't want love I just need a stop sign, friend
So do me a favour and light me a cigarette
Track Name: In the Jar
There's a harsh wind blowing the tears across the streets
And the gutters are clean for tonight
There's a salty whisper from the city to her lover
Please just let me be
While the engines just keep working to drown out the sound
Of the lonely hearts that beat until they burn
There are souls that linger from deep within the mound
Trembling like leaves upon the ground

Still the tock is ticking leaving nothing behind
But the shadows of the things we long to keep alive
And all of us are waiting with yearning for that sign
That tells us we can hang our coats to dry
Leave a penny in the jar, he said
And I think I'll take mine

There's a fire that eats the sinners and the saints
Screaming all the while that these things are the same
Well everybody's rushing to the other side
I've not yet seen the other lights
So the books lie cold and restless as the words'll disappear
And the pages lie like ashes in the earn
And the barren trees like soldiers who hold all of our secrets
While laziness just spits upon their face

Still the tock is ticking leaving nothing behind
But the shadows of the things we long to keep alive
And all of us are waiting with yearning for that sign
That tells us we can hang our coats to dry
Leave a penny in the jar, he said
And I think I'll take mine
Track Name: Freezing Over April
It's not supposed to be this cold in April
But I have a feeling the snow's gonna stick to the
Cherry blossoms and window sills
And I have a feeling it's so much more than this life
How about that moment of goodbye in the cold?
I'll see you next fall if summer happens at all
It's not supposed to be this cold in April
And everything's so hard to control

And none of this makes sense
I've tried a thousand ways to put this together
But all I get is what-ifs and regrets
And wishful thinking, it'll be gone come summer
I can't say goodbye if it's always outside
And every time I open the blinds it gets harder and harder to face

It's not supposed be this white in April
And I've forgotten the image of chalk on cement
And it looks like the sky has forgotten it's name
I'm not looking for a miracle I just want some change like
How about that moment with the sun in your eyes?
And a place, and smell, even feeling oh no
It's supposed to be this bland in April
But there's nowhere else for me to go

And none of this makes sense
I've tried a thousand ways to put this together
But all I get is what-ifs and regrets
And wishful thinking, it'll be gone come summer
I can't say goodbye if it's always outside
And every time I open the blinds it gets harder and harder to face

It's not supposed to be this bland in April
But there's nowhere else for me to go
I can't say goodbye if it's always outside
And every time I open the blinds it gets harder and harder to face
It's not supposed to be this bland in April
But there's nowhere else for me to go now
Track Name: Wasted Heart
Well it's raining in the city and the ashing makes you feel it
But we light our cigarettes
And everything is heavy and I know you barely know me
But I think you get the gist
And everybody's buzzing about something in the dark tonight
and you keep going on
And every time you smile I see the spark of something else
And it chills me to the bone
Don't waste your heart on me
I know the devil's in garden and he's got himself a bargain
And you can't the blame tonight
So don't waste your heart on me

So you're really fucking lonely and you know I know what that means as the bottles hit the floor
And all the things you hide from me become the things that I perceive things I should have felt were pure
Like the eyes that dream from windows day to day
Or how it feels to be the only one who prays anymore
Well I can never say for sure
Don't waste your heart on me
I know the devil's in the garden and he's got himself a bargain
and you can't take the blame
So don't waste your heart on me

Well I've seen dark, I've seen the light
Reds and golds and souls of white
And I can't guarantee that I'll always be here
Well I've felt hate and I've known God
And I've seen nothing and burning love
And I can't guarantee that I will always be here
Well I've known you and I've known loss
And I believe in less than us
And I can't guarantee i will always be here
Track Name: Lighting Candles With Matches
You say "I think you drink too much
because you haven't seen me smile in years."
And you're right but I'm thinking you hide too much
From the shadows that prey upon your fears
And it's cold, yeah it's cold until the fire glows
That's why I light my candles with matches so I can fill up all these holes

I say "I don't think you eat enough
With skin stretched upon the bone, you're about to fade away."
What's that? You think I say too much
Well that just might be true, but I've been saying it all for you
And it's warm, yeah it's warm until the fire dies
That's why I light my candles with matches so i can ward off all these lies

I know it hurts when you're sitting in the dirt
But please get off your knees and keep searching for that sign
And I know I've been wrong and your heart has died a thousand times
That's why I light my candles with matches so that I can be the light
That saves you

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